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Sunday, June 26, 2011

a hodgepodge

Today I was at walmart and ran into a dear friend of mine. he has a heart of gold and i cannot wait to see how his life effects the kingdom. we were talking about Young Life, and how it has changed both of our lives because of its simplicity. love God, love people. what changed my life two summers ago was the simple, raw fact that Jesus loves me, and I cannot escape that. i cannot change that. i can do nothing to make Him love me more, and I can do nothing to make Him love me less. He loved me into existence. He continues loving me into existence every day. He loves me enough to discipline me. He loves me enough to allow me free will.

He takes great pleasure in me. He desires me when I am less than undesirable. this love, as Beth Moore is teaching me, is agape. it is love that is not an emotion, or a feeling. it is a response. it flows from what is right and best.

Yesterday, i read 1 Corinthians 13. yes, the looooove chapter. something Beth Moore instructed before beginning to read this chapter was, "do not let the bug of familiarity bite you!"
and i am so thankful that she did that.
I know the "love" chapter. I know what it instructs and I know that every time someone teaches on this passage I feel convicted because I boast, or envy, or am prideful. but what i somehow overlooked, ironically, was the love.
verse 2: without love, i am nothing.
nothing. not inadequate or sub par, but nothing. if i am void of love, i am void of everything.
if you do not have a bible close at hand, here it is, the "love" chapter.
don't let the love here evade you, though. see how it permeates every verse. and see how this is not only instruction for us, but an example set by the Lord. do not make the mistakes i made for 19 years regarding these 13 verses.
absorb yourself in love. be overwhelmed by it. please.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, the will cease, as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 
So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13 (ESV)

did you catch that?
it's not that the things depicted in the first few verses are necessarily bad things, but when love is not the motive, what is left? selfishness. and that is not an attribute of having the Spirit inside.
but when those things are coupled with love, what extraordinary things will be done! faith that can move mountains, selfless sacrifice, knowledge, understanding, the list goes on!

I am completely overwhelmed when I think of the aspects of love listed in this chapter. and even more overwhelmed when i realize how bad I actually am at most of them. anyone who has ever ridden in the car with me knows that i am not an altogether patient person, nor am i too kind. i can be so envious, especially when i think that i deserve something more (arrogance/pride). too often i boast in myself, I think that I am good at something, or that I've done something worthwhile that people should know and give me gratitude for. that is not agape.
"it does not insist on its own way." i am irritable. i am rude...i think i've made my point.

these things seem so out of reach. but i know that they are attainable, or the instruction wouldn't have been given.
I want this. i want to be this kind of love. i want to have this love. and i want to give it away. i want to love others this way. i want to love my Lord this way.
forget being a "Proverbs 31" girl. I want to be a "1 Corinthians 13" girl.
I want to be drenched in this chapter. i want to overflow with this love. this agape.

it all comes back around to love. Drew and I were talking in the frozen foods section of walmart today about that. it is so simple. and we make it so complex. i think that we think it's too simple. surely there has to be more to all of it than just love? what more could we want, though? rules? stipulations? limits? no thank you. "just love", is more than enough for me. and sure, there are other things but it all comes back to love.
i think that growing up in the church caused me, in part, to believe that I needed to do things to be loved. and that God was mean, and strict and hard to follow because He expected so much of me; things i'd never be able to live up to or according to. thank Heavens i was so wrong. all He desires is my love in return for His everything.
all i have to do is love Him. and it's not difficult to love a God that loves me best and loves me first.
did you catch that part in verse 8? Love never ends. Agape never ends. His love for me never ends.

what a joy it is to serve a God that makes loving Him so enjoyable.
this time next week, i'll be in NorthEast, Maryland. with ten of my newest best friends. a servant hearted Work Crew, an amazing assigned team, and tons of campers to love on through service.
seven days, three tests, two firework stand shifts, moving out of a house and two plane rides stand between me and the best fifteen days of my summer.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." -Colossians 3:12-14

I would also be a "Colossians 3:12-14" girl. but it doesn't have quite the same ring to it. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Summer could be Funner

Summer could be funner if i weren't taking 6 hours of classes.
summer could be funner if i were at home, with my friends.
summer could be funner if i didn't have to worry about doing a million and one things and pleasing a million and one people.
summer could be funner if i were working at falls creek with my two best friends Heather and Amy.
summer could be funner if i weren't so awkward.
summer could be funner if i weren't a homebody.

summer could not be funner if i were doing anything but what i am.

I am diving into the word and learning about the gifts of life with Christ.
i am learning more about myself than I ever could have if i were at home, or at falls creek, or anywhere but fayetteville, arkansas.
i am taking classes that might suck, but will get me where i need to go.
i am going with confidence. His confidence.

i am adding things daily to my list of things that make my heart smile.
i am spending a lot of time alone. i am spending even more time with people that are growing to mean so much to me.
i am beyond thankful for Jonathan and his dedication to Capernaum.
i am so so excited and anxiously awaiting the fall so that we can put into motion this dream for Capernaum we've been dreaming since March.

i am sad. i am scared at times.
i am lonely.
but i am full. i am so full of the Spirit.
i am not always happy. but i have joy. an inexpressible joy that only has one explanation. the Lord.
I want to go. i want to go so many places and do so many things.
i am being taught to be where i am. and to find joy in contentment with my current "life stage" (i hate that phrase)

i am growing up. and growing up sucks.
i am missing my best friends. and the fellowship that they bring. and i miss always having girls to talk to about things that are plaguing my life. and i miss those girls that are genuinely interested and ask me first because they know me. and they know when i'm not "all right."
i am finding that He does that for me. i am learning that He has taken that away so i go to Him first. i am learning that ultimately, He is all i need. He is more than enough.
When i don't think I can make it to the weekend so i can go home, He gets me out of bed and puts a smile on my face and the sun in the sky. when i don't have plans for the weekend and can't imagine spending it alone, He reminds me that I am never alone. and He laughs at me when the Notebook make me cry again. He doesn't pity my friday and saturday nights spent alone, and now, i don't either.
when i fail a finite test and feel like i'll never make it to graduation in 3 years, He reminds me that one test holds no eternal importance. He reminds me of my importance to Him. He reminds me that He takes great pleasure in me. and that, in turn, makes me take great pleasure in Him.

He is more than enough.
When i ask for an inch, He gives me a mile.
when we open a guitar case at the farmer's market, He fills it with 138 dollars and some change to take younglives girls to camp. to meet Him. because it pleases Him.


when I ask for more of Him, He tells me that right now, in this moment, teary eyed and broken, I have as much of Him as I did yesterday. and as much as I will have tomorrow. He tells me He has never taken any of Himself away from me. and He never will. I have all of Him. in every moment. forever.
and I am filled with joy.
so much joy.

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed." -Isaiah 54:10


my world may fall apart, but His steadfast love remains.
always.