Eucharisteo- thankfulness
There is a book called "One Thousand Gifts" it's all about how beautiful life is.
March 2011 I decided to make my own list of 1000 things that "make my heart smile."
Almost a year and a half later and I have 485 things on that list.
I realize that after my last post a lot of y'all probably thought that I absolutely hated my life.
And that's just not true.
Am I in an extremely difficult place right now? absolutely.
Am I struggling? definitely.
But I am still so blessed. And I'm so thankful. for everything.
53. Sun shine-y Saturdays
58. Drinking milk out of coffee cups
Ann Voskamp says in her book, "with memories of gravestones, of combing fingers through tangled hair, I wonder too...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God. That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave."
131. How laying down makes people laugh differently
145. The sound my grandpa makes when he drops something
181. Rain when the sun shines
186. When the song you've been wanting to hear comes on the radio
The thing is this: sometimes life doesn't work out the way we want it to, or the way we think it should.
But life with the Lord is an adventure.
To dwell on the past, or the future, or a "plan" means missing this very moment. And in this moment, there is so much to be thankful for!
240. Dreaming about Capernaum
257. Raul from Chick-fil-a
374. Sunshine on my face
"Perspective--how we see.
...and I won't shield God from my anguish by claiming He's not involved in the ache of this world and Satan prowls but he's a lion on a leash and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, and I can cry and I can howl and He embraces the David-hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief and I can moan deep that He did this--and He did. I feel Him hold me--a flailing child tired in Father's arms. And I can hear Him soothe soft, "Are your ways My ways, child? Can you eat My manna, sustain on My mystery? Can you believe that I tenderly, tirelessly work for the best good of the whole world--because My flame of love for you can never, ever be quenched?"
461. Stopping to watch the sun set over the Arkansas river on the way home from leader weekend
467. The first EVER Capernaum club
471. Using the clothes line to dry my clothes
It's a beautiful thing that I don't have to hide my hurt from the Lord. And it's even more beautiful that when I am hurting, He gives me reasons to rejoice.
479. Carnival night at Young Life camp
480. Dallas leading a prayer for the first time
485. Thomas telling me he wanted to be a Young Life leader
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
inevitable
I have been procrastinating this blog post for quite some time, my friends.
Not because I don't have anything to say; I have quite a bit to say.
But because there's too much to what I need to say. I have too many words, but none of them seem adequate.
And because I'm still not sure what it all means.
But isn't that the beauty of life; that it's uncertain, and it's up for interpretation, and it's all a big, big mystery?
Let's play catch up for a second:
I finished summer school. not quite as strongly as I would have liked, but I did pretty well.
I went back home for a day or so before leaving for summer staff.
This is where the words start to fail.
I was faced with the reality that I might not make it into the Communication Disorders program this fall. I came to the end of what I could give to make that happen. And even though my motivation and determination might have kicked in a little too late, I still wanted this so badly.
Fast forward:
I went to summer staff at Timberwolf Lake.
Words also fail here.
being an AM cook kicked my butt. It was so, so hard to be there sometimes. Some days I wanted to quit; just pack up and go home. On those days, I got to see Jesus working so plainly that all doubt about where I was and what I was doing was wiped away.
We were on a "technology fast" at TWL. For about 24 hours every six days we got our phones back.
During one of these "sabbath days" I found out my final CGPA and consequently, whether or not I got into the CDIS program for the fall.
I fell short. Not by much. But by enough.
But where better to receive life-changing, terrible news than a Young Life camp with 50ish of your greatest friends?
My heart was not broken that day*. Or the next. Or the next. I had an incredible peace that can only be attributed to Christ. I should've been devastated. As of that day, I had no direction, no plan, no hope for the future, no goal in mind. I was an empty vessel. But I was ready to be used by the Lord.
What better place to completely submit yourself to the Lord's will, and listen and look for the answer for your future than at Young Life camp with 50ish of your greatest friends?
So I waited. And I listened. And I prayed. And I begged God for direction and undeniable clarity. And I got silence.
When the silence finally lifted, do you know what the good Lord revealed? I am called to be Holy, just like Him. Holy means set apart. I have been set apart for something good. Something greater than I could ever ask for or imagine. And I have to submit to that idea before I can know a plan.
Here lies the issue: I only ever planned on doing something that I could conceive of. But what if, just maybe, His plan is bigger than that? What if all this time, I've been missing out because I've been so focused on asking Him to come alongside my mediocre path? I've been asking Him to come "bless my mess" instead of asking Him to come clean shop and start from scratch.
Here's the lie I think we believe all to easily: We have to have it all figured out.
I don't have an answer to the question "what's your major?" and I don't have an answer to the question "what do you want to do?" and I definitely don't have an answer to the question "where are you going to be in two years?" but I do have an answer to the follow up question: I don't know because I won't commit to something that I can't see through to fruition. And I'm done wasting my time pretending like I know what I'm doing, and where I'm going when I really have no idea. I won't pretend to have it all figured out anymore. I don't have to have it all figured out.
And that freedom is absolutely beautiful.
All God asks of me is to follow Him step by step. One foot in front of the other. One at a time.
And this, right now, this uncertainty and this mess that I seem to have gotten myself into is beautiful.
It's beautiful because the Lord of all creation is right here next to me. He's holding my hand and He's directing my steps. He's catching me when I stumble, He's refocusing my distracted gaze, and He's wiping away every tear.
Right here is right where He wants me right now.
After summer staff I debated coming back to school.
With no direction and no plans and no motivation to do school anymore (I wasn't even convinced that I needed to be in school anymore; I'm still not convinced) I didn't see the point in being back in classrooms.
I applied for a semester long internship at a Young Life Camp. I didn't hear back until it was too late. I wound up at school anyway. I struggled to find open classes. None of the classes I'm in are helping me towards any sort of degree program. From where I stand right now, I'll be a super senior at the very least.
This brings us up to date pretty much.
And this is the hardest part:
*I'm pretty much heartbroken.
This place that I'm at is impossible. As beautiful as it might be when I look at it objectively or in hindsight, that doesn't help how I feel right now. And right now my heart is broken.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like I'm a disappointment.
I feel like a loser.
I feel like a bum.
I am searching high and low for direction.
I am chasing every day dream that crosses my mind and friends, that is exhausting.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of talking about my future.
I'm tired of not knowing.
And quite frankly I'm tired of having to wait on the Lord.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm spinning my wheels; of coming up empty.
I'm tired of being surrendered to a path of unknowns.
I'm tired of people saying "You're a junior and you still don't have a major?"
I'm tired of always being reminded that I have no direction.
And I'm not leaning on the Lord like I should in this impossible place.
I am standing in the desert. Thirsty. Knees bent, head turned upward, arms outstretched. I am praying for rain. I am praying for my life. I won't stop.
"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." -Hosea 6:3
Not because I don't have anything to say; I have quite a bit to say.
But because there's too much to what I need to say. I have too many words, but none of them seem adequate.
And because I'm still not sure what it all means.
But isn't that the beauty of life; that it's uncertain, and it's up for interpretation, and it's all a big, big mystery?
Let's play catch up for a second:
I finished summer school. not quite as strongly as I would have liked, but I did pretty well.
I went back home for a day or so before leaving for summer staff.
This is where the words start to fail.
I was faced with the reality that I might not make it into the Communication Disorders program this fall. I came to the end of what I could give to make that happen. And even though my motivation and determination might have kicked in a little too late, I still wanted this so badly.
Fast forward:
I went to summer staff at Timberwolf Lake.
Words also fail here.
being an AM cook kicked my butt. It was so, so hard to be there sometimes. Some days I wanted to quit; just pack up and go home. On those days, I got to see Jesus working so plainly that all doubt about where I was and what I was doing was wiped away.
We were on a "technology fast" at TWL. For about 24 hours every six days we got our phones back.
During one of these "sabbath days" I found out my final CGPA and consequently, whether or not I got into the CDIS program for the fall.
I fell short. Not by much. But by enough.
But where better to receive life-changing, terrible news than a Young Life camp with 50ish of your greatest friends?
My heart was not broken that day*. Or the next. Or the next. I had an incredible peace that can only be attributed to Christ. I should've been devastated. As of that day, I had no direction, no plan, no hope for the future, no goal in mind. I was an empty vessel. But I was ready to be used by the Lord.
What better place to completely submit yourself to the Lord's will, and listen and look for the answer for your future than at Young Life camp with 50ish of your greatest friends?
So I waited. And I listened. And I prayed. And I begged God for direction and undeniable clarity. And I got silence.
When the silence finally lifted, do you know what the good Lord revealed? I am called to be Holy, just like Him. Holy means set apart. I have been set apart for something good. Something greater than I could ever ask for or imagine. And I have to submit to that idea before I can know a plan.
Here lies the issue: I only ever planned on doing something that I could conceive of. But what if, just maybe, His plan is bigger than that? What if all this time, I've been missing out because I've been so focused on asking Him to come alongside my mediocre path? I've been asking Him to come "bless my mess" instead of asking Him to come clean shop and start from scratch.
Here's the lie I think we believe all to easily: We have to have it all figured out.
I don't have an answer to the question "what's your major?" and I don't have an answer to the question "what do you want to do?" and I definitely don't have an answer to the question "where are you going to be in two years?" but I do have an answer to the follow up question: I don't know because I won't commit to something that I can't see through to fruition. And I'm done wasting my time pretending like I know what I'm doing, and where I'm going when I really have no idea. I won't pretend to have it all figured out anymore. I don't have to have it all figured out.
And that freedom is absolutely beautiful.
All God asks of me is to follow Him step by step. One foot in front of the other. One at a time.
And this, right now, this uncertainty and this mess that I seem to have gotten myself into is beautiful.
It's beautiful because the Lord of all creation is right here next to me. He's holding my hand and He's directing my steps. He's catching me when I stumble, He's refocusing my distracted gaze, and He's wiping away every tear.
Right here is right where He wants me right now.
After summer staff I debated coming back to school.
With no direction and no plans and no motivation to do school anymore (I wasn't even convinced that I needed to be in school anymore; I'm still not convinced) I didn't see the point in being back in classrooms.
I applied for a semester long internship at a Young Life Camp. I didn't hear back until it was too late. I wound up at school anyway. I struggled to find open classes. None of the classes I'm in are helping me towards any sort of degree program. From where I stand right now, I'll be a super senior at the very least.
This brings us up to date pretty much.
And this is the hardest part:
*I'm pretty much heartbroken.
This place that I'm at is impossible. As beautiful as it might be when I look at it objectively or in hindsight, that doesn't help how I feel right now. And right now my heart is broken.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like I'm a disappointment.
I feel like a loser.
I feel like a bum.
I am searching high and low for direction.
I am chasing every day dream that crosses my mind and friends, that is exhausting.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of talking about my future.
I'm tired of not knowing.
And quite frankly I'm tired of having to wait on the Lord.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm spinning my wheels; of coming up empty.
I'm tired of being surrendered to a path of unknowns.
I'm tired of people saying "You're a junior and you still don't have a major?"
I'm tired of always being reminded that I have no direction.
And I'm not leaning on the Lord like I should in this impossible place.
I am standing in the desert. Thirsty. Knees bent, head turned upward, arms outstretched. I am praying for rain. I am praying for my life. I won't stop.
"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." -Hosea 6:3
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Hot Oil Treatments and Other White Girl Problems
Hello Blog-World!
In order to prove to you that I'm not all serious all the time here's a post of White Girl Problems (aka my life). And no, I probably won't be able to draw some spiritual connection between these and my relationship with Jesus.
So just take it as it is, laugh a little (or a lot) and try not to make fun of me the next time you see me.
1. Weddings
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. I'm really excited for them and about going, but as I was picking out a card to give the happy newlyweds I got into the "I'm-not-dating-and-I'll-never-get-married-ever-ever-EVER" slump that happens about twice a week.
and once we hop down to number four you'll know why this is really a crisis that need some attention. because WHO WANTS TO MARRY ME?!
there, i'm done.
now I'll go eat ice cream sandwiches. #whitegirlproblems
2. Cooking
A friend of my challenged me to cook my way through a certain cookbook in a year. That seems doable, right? Right! I accepted the challenge like...5 days ago. And here's a list of what I've cooked so far: salad.
And not just any salad, but salad from a box from WalMart. Yep. I didn't even buy lettuce. I bought a box of mixed greens (half and half to be exact: spinach and spring mix). Now, to my credit, I did cut up the vegetables all by myself! I was even planning on making my own dressing, but the store-bought raspberry vinaigrette just looked so much better! ...and easier.
So, 360 days left and about a billion recipes left to make. #whitegirlproblems
3. Moving
I recently moved into a precious new house. (yay yay yay!!) It has a huge backyard and a cute little front porch and we have the sweetest old lady neighbor. What people don't tell you about moving is that it sucks. ...or maybe they do tell you that. but i wasn't listening because everything is sunny and happy when it comes to moving out of your hell hole apartment and into your beautiful house.
Few things in this world are made for people who barely reach 5'3" on a good day. None of those things are in my new house. I had to buy a step ladder just to reach the second shelf in the pantry. And forget the top shelf in my closet. That's never going to be used.
A list within a list:
Quirks Of the House on Berry Street:
You can't run the dishwasher and take a pleasant shower.
The fridge makes the strangest sounds that remain unexplained.
It also leaks.
The sink leaks, too. Don't worry, we have a bucket.
No ice machine = ice trays that NEVER release all the ice cubes at once.
The most confusing locks on our doors...is it really locked? it's hard to say.
No microwave.
No lawn mower. Did I mention how big our backyard was?
No washing machine...yet
All of that being said, I wouldn't trade our cute little house for anything in the whole world. (except maybe the Air Force 1's I customized today at work...but that's another #whitegirlproblem entirely. Also a #brokegirlproblem)
4. Hot Oil Treatments
My hair has not been cooperating recently.
It's been pretty hideous unless I do something to it. and I hate doing things to my hair, I'm about as low-maintenance as they come.
I saw this thing on pinterest a while back about a hot oil treatment you could do at home for your hair. so yesterday I decided I would do it! Brilliant!
This little remedy will solve all my problems.
I heat the oil on the stove. add the honey. take it to the bathroom.
dunk my hair in the solution and comb it through my hair.
"comb it through my hair" is not an accurate statement. I comb it until the very tips when the honey dries and gets stuck at the ends of my hair. #whitegirlproblem number one. I continue with the process.
But I can't seem to get the oil on enough of my hair. So i take the pot and dump it on my head. Remember how it just came off the stove? Yeah, me neither. So there I was, bending over my bathtub holding a pot in one hand and a comb in the other, cursing to myself and crying a little bit.
I combed around my scalding scalp and stick all my hair into my cute little shower cap. I had to let it sit for 15-30 minutes.
Fast forward 15-30 minutes.
My hair is a disgusting, grease ball mess. The instructions said to "shampoo as normal" and so I did that.
And then I did it again.
And I still felt really gross up there.
But I got out of the shower and went about my business.
My hair NEVER dried. EVER.
So I took another shower.
And then when I woke up in the morning and my hair was STILL disgusting I took a shower again.
I had to go through work, class, and lab with gross, grease ball hair.
I looked up what to do about this Hot Oil Treatment gone wrong online.
Enter: Target.
I drove to target as fast as I could after class and bought Dawn Dish Detergent.
Yes, you read right. Dish Soap.
So I get home and hop in the shower right away and washed my hair again. and then again for good measure.
My hair has never been so soft or so grease free.
So there you have it, the story of me washing my hair five times in two days. #whitegirlproblems
In order to prove to you that I'm not all serious all the time here's a post of White Girl Problems (aka my life). And no, I probably won't be able to draw some spiritual connection between these and my relationship with Jesus.
So just take it as it is, laugh a little (or a lot) and try not to make fun of me the next time you see me.
1. Weddings
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. I'm really excited for them and about going, but as I was picking out a card to give the happy newlyweds I got into the "I'm-not-dating-and-I'll-never-get-married-ever-ever-EVER" slump that happens about twice a week.
and once we hop down to number four you'll know why this is really a crisis that need some attention. because WHO WANTS TO MARRY ME?!
there, i'm done.
now I'll go eat ice cream sandwiches. #whitegirlproblems
2. Cooking
A friend of my challenged me to cook my way through a certain cookbook in a year. That seems doable, right? Right! I accepted the challenge like...5 days ago. And here's a list of what I've cooked so far: salad.
And not just any salad, but salad from a box from WalMart. Yep. I didn't even buy lettuce. I bought a box of mixed greens (half and half to be exact: spinach and spring mix). Now, to my credit, I did cut up the vegetables all by myself! I was even planning on making my own dressing, but the store-bought raspberry vinaigrette just looked so much better! ...and easier.
So, 360 days left and about a billion recipes left to make. #whitegirlproblems
3. Moving
I recently moved into a precious new house. (yay yay yay!!) It has a huge backyard and a cute little front porch and we have the sweetest old lady neighbor. What people don't tell you about moving is that it sucks. ...or maybe they do tell you that. but i wasn't listening because everything is sunny and happy when it comes to moving out of your hell hole apartment and into your beautiful house.
Few things in this world are made for people who barely reach 5'3" on a good day. None of those things are in my new house. I had to buy a step ladder just to reach the second shelf in the pantry. And forget the top shelf in my closet. That's never going to be used.
A list within a list:
Quirks Of the House on Berry Street:
You can't run the dishwasher and take a pleasant shower.
The fridge makes the strangest sounds that remain unexplained.
It also leaks.
The sink leaks, too. Don't worry, we have a bucket.
No ice machine = ice trays that NEVER release all the ice cubes at once.
The most confusing locks on our doors...is it really locked? it's hard to say.
No microwave.
No lawn mower. Did I mention how big our backyard was?
No washing machine...yet
All of that being said, I wouldn't trade our cute little house for anything in the whole world. (except maybe the Air Force 1's I customized today at work...but that's another #whitegirlproblem entirely. Also a #brokegirlproblem)
4. Hot Oil Treatments
My hair has not been cooperating recently.
It's been pretty hideous unless I do something to it. and I hate doing things to my hair, I'm about as low-maintenance as they come.
I saw this thing on pinterest a while back about a hot oil treatment you could do at home for your hair. so yesterday I decided I would do it! Brilliant!
This little remedy will solve all my problems.
I heat the oil on the stove. add the honey. take it to the bathroom.
dunk my hair in the solution and comb it through my hair.
"comb it through my hair" is not an accurate statement. I comb it until the very tips when the honey dries and gets stuck at the ends of my hair. #whitegirlproblem number one. I continue with the process.
But I can't seem to get the oil on enough of my hair. So i take the pot and dump it on my head. Remember how it just came off the stove? Yeah, me neither. So there I was, bending over my bathtub holding a pot in one hand and a comb in the other, cursing to myself and crying a little bit.
I combed around my scalding scalp and stick all my hair into my cute little shower cap. I had to let it sit for 15-30 minutes.
Fast forward 15-30 minutes.
My hair is a disgusting, grease ball mess. The instructions said to "shampoo as normal" and so I did that.
And then I did it again.
And I still felt really gross up there.
But I got out of the shower and went about my business.
My hair NEVER dried. EVER.
So I took another shower.
And then when I woke up in the morning and my hair was STILL disgusting I took a shower again.
I had to go through work, class, and lab with gross, grease ball hair.
I looked up what to do about this Hot Oil Treatment gone wrong online.
Enter: Target.
I drove to target as fast as I could after class and bought Dawn Dish Detergent.
Yes, you read right. Dish Soap.
So I get home and hop in the shower right away and washed my hair again. and then again for good measure.
My hair has never been so soft or so grease free.
So there you have it, the story of me washing my hair five times in two days. #whitegirlproblems
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Beautiful Things
Laughing until your stomach hurts.
Community
Provision
Faithfulness
The desert
Sunshine
chapters ending
new beginnings
Uncertainty of the future juxtaposed with the unchanging, certain nature of God
I took a tumble at Zaxby's and we've been laughing about it ever since.
I have the greatest friends in the whole world. And I won't allow you to argue with me about it. Case closed. My friends are better than yours.
$5000 of Mulberry's camp costs are already in hand. How incredible.
God never stops using my circumstances to prove Himself to me.
Sometimes drying up is good.
It makes me realize just how much I appreciate being saturated with the Lord.
It makes me realize just how much I desperately depend on Him each day.
It makes me realize that I cannot in any way do this on my own.
It makes me hunger in an incredible way.
And He fills me up.
He dries me out so He can fill me up; and this time filled with nothing but Him.
Let's just be honest, friends, what's better than sunshine on your face and bare feet in the grass?
Two years down. aPARTYment life is ending.
But new things are beginning.
and those things are beautiful.
Living in the "here" and "now" and not looking too far in advance is frowned upon.
It's where I choose to stand. Because even if I had every step planned out, we all know it wouldn't happen that way anyway. So why waste my time and my hopes on something that I know will never happen in accordance to my plans.
Because it's not about me, is it?
I am a firm believer that there is so much more going on than what I can see.
God. I Am. Present tense.
This moment.
Not a semester from now.
Not five years from now.
Here.
Now.
I choose to trust the Lord of all creation. I choose to have faith that He will continue to prove His faithfulness to me.
So I choose to live in the moment. and I choose to give thanks for the blessings that I have in those moments in the hopes of making the fullest of my time; making the fullest of my life.
I will not waste these moments worrying about time that I am not even guaranteed.
I will be reckless. I will be careless. I will not be careful because this moment will never happen again.
I'm not saying that I'll never ever do any planning in my life ever, because that's not true. What I am saying, is that I choose to live now.
And the life that comes from living now is beautiful.
And it is full.
So chastise me for not being as worried as I should be about everything that's going on.
But by asking me this, you're asking me to sacrifice my joy.
And I refuse to do that.
Laughing until your stomach hurts.
Community
Provision
Faithfulness
The desert
Sunshine
chapters ending
new beginnings
Uncertainty of the future juxtaposed with the unchanging, certain nature of God
I took a tumble at Zaxby's and we've been laughing about it ever since.
I have the greatest friends in the whole world. And I won't allow you to argue with me about it. Case closed. My friends are better than yours.
$5000 of Mulberry's camp costs are already in hand. How incredible.
God never stops using my circumstances to prove Himself to me.
Sometimes drying up is good.
It makes me realize just how much I appreciate being saturated with the Lord.
It makes me realize just how much I desperately depend on Him each day.
It makes me realize that I cannot in any way do this on my own.
It makes me hunger in an incredible way.
And He fills me up.
He dries me out so He can fill me up; and this time filled with nothing but Him.
Let's just be honest, friends, what's better than sunshine on your face and bare feet in the grass?
Two years down. aPARTYment life is ending.
But new things are beginning.
and those things are beautiful.
Living in the "here" and "now" and not looking too far in advance is frowned upon.
"i do not know my five year plan. Even tomorrow will probably not go as I have planned. I am thrilled and I am terrified, in a good way. So some call it courage, I call it Faith. I chose to get out of the boat. To take the next step. Sometimes I walk straight into His arms. More often, I get scared and look down and stumble. Sometimes I almost completely drown. And through it all, He never lets go of my hand." -Katie Davis
So, no, I don't know what's going to happen in the next few years. Heck, even my summer is still hanging out in limbo. And maybe that's not "conventional" and maybe it's not the smartest thing, but it's where I stand.It's where I choose to stand. Because even if I had every step planned out, we all know it wouldn't happen that way anyway. So why waste my time and my hopes on something that I know will never happen in accordance to my plans.
Because it's not about me, is it?
I am a firm believer that there is so much more going on than what I can see.
God. I Am. Present tense.
This moment.
Not a semester from now.
Not five years from now.
Here.
Now.
I choose to trust the Lord of all creation. I choose to have faith that He will continue to prove His faithfulness to me.
So I choose to live in the moment. and I choose to give thanks for the blessings that I have in those moments in the hopes of making the fullest of my time; making the fullest of my life.
I will not waste these moments worrying about time that I am not even guaranteed.
I will be reckless. I will be careless. I will not be careful because this moment will never happen again.
I'm not saying that I'll never ever do any planning in my life ever, because that's not true. What I am saying, is that I choose to live now.
And the life that comes from living now is beautiful.
And it is full.
So chastise me for not being as worried as I should be about everything that's going on.
But by asking me this, you're asking me to sacrifice my joy.
And I refuse to do that.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Joy, Unspeakable Joy!
"Today is the day Lord, the day that we've been waiting for for almost a year."
We did it, Jesus. YOU, did it.
After almost exactly one year of dreaming, hoping, planning and fervent praying, NWA Young Life had their very first all Capernaum club.
God has been so good to us.
I didn't know half the students that showed up today.
But God knew since the beginning of time that they would come. He knew long before any of us did that today was the day.
Today was the day that we got to see fruits of our labor.
Today, seeds were sewn.
Today 12 students with disabilities, ages 14-50+, got to feel loved, included and accepted just the way they are.
They got to have fun without fear of being rejected.
They got to eat so much good food.
They got to dance.
They got to sing.
They got to hear about a Jesus that loves them and wants to give them life to the full.
They blessed us more than we could ever dream of blessing them.
Let me tell y'all. Today, I experienced life to the full.
As i looked around the front yard at our "Gold Rush Club" I was struck by just how incredible today really was.
Since the beginning of time God had planned for this to happen.
These kids. These leaders. These buddies. This day. This time. This moment.
None of it was surprising to God.
I can only imagine the excitement that He gets out of unfolding the plan step by step to each of us; whispering to us the entire time, "just wait, beloved, it only gets better."
So while I would love to know what happens next, what Capernaum will look like in six months, one year, five years...I am filled with unspeakable joy in just this moment.
Here and now.
The plan is unfolding before my very eyes, and if I keep looking ahead to see what comes next, I'll miss it.
I'll miss this moment.
I'll miss what the Lord is revealing to me right now.
I don't want to miss out on the excitement that the Lord gives in the here and now.
in the "wait and see."
in the answered prayer.
the excitement in the "you've been waiting for this."
and that's really all today was. Today was a huge, giant answered prayer.
So thank You, Jesus, for letting us in on all that You're doing for people with disabilities in NWA.
Thank You, thank You, thank You.
We did it, Jesus. YOU, did it.
After almost exactly one year of dreaming, hoping, planning and fervent praying, NWA Young Life had their very first all Capernaum club.
God has been so good to us.
I didn't know half the students that showed up today.
But God knew since the beginning of time that they would come. He knew long before any of us did that today was the day.
Today was the day that we got to see fruits of our labor.
Today, seeds were sewn.
Today 12 students with disabilities, ages 14-50+, got to feel loved, included and accepted just the way they are.
They got to have fun without fear of being rejected.
They got to eat so much good food.
They got to dance.
They got to sing.
They got to hear about a Jesus that loves them and wants to give them life to the full.
They blessed us more than we could ever dream of blessing them.
Let me tell y'all. Today, I experienced life to the full.
As i looked around the front yard at our "Gold Rush Club" I was struck by just how incredible today really was.
Since the beginning of time God had planned for this to happen.
These kids. These leaders. These buddies. This day. This time. This moment.
None of it was surprising to God.
I can only imagine the excitement that He gets out of unfolding the plan step by step to each of us; whispering to us the entire time, "just wait, beloved, it only gets better."
So while I would love to know what happens next, what Capernaum will look like in six months, one year, five years...I am filled with unspeakable joy in just this moment.
Here and now.
The plan is unfolding before my very eyes, and if I keep looking ahead to see what comes next, I'll miss it.
I'll miss this moment.
I'll miss what the Lord is revealing to me right now.
I don't want to miss out on the excitement that the Lord gives in the here and now.
in the "wait and see."
in the answered prayer.
the excitement in the "you've been waiting for this."
and that's really all today was. Today was a huge, giant answered prayer.
So thank You, Jesus, for letting us in on all that You're doing for people with disabilities in NWA.
Thank You, thank You, thank You.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Back to summer staff with the greatest people ever.
Take me back to the climbing wall.
And the giant swing.
and the water zip.
Take me back to heart to hearts and the gun game.
Back to huffing and puffing up to the Roost and "chad copy chad"
back to ninja games and western night.
back to hospital corners and sweating all day.
Take me back to "the draft" and change over day adventures.
Back to Jesus in the faces of campers and genuine service.
Back to "I hate all y'all 'cept me" and "it's creepy cause i'm naked."
Back to DJ Dragon and that vegetable game.
Take me back to never knowing what adventure the day would hold.
Back to three cups of coffee a day and climbing to the roof of the dining hall.
back to funny accents and my southern sister.
Back to the bay bug and whip cream fights.
Take me back to singing Wagon Wheel all the time.
Back to night swing and spending all day talking about 90s TV.
take me back to Capernaum camp and dance parties.
back to worship and prayer.
Monday, February 27, 2012
secrets to the "John 10:10" life.
laughter
affection
beauty
poignancy
triumph in best effort
being satisfied
enjoying a meal
frivolity
"I have come so that they may have life and have it more abundantly."
Leader weekend is my favorite weekend of the year.
I only did three things this weekend: laugh, talk about jesus, and sleep.
and that, friends, is life as it should be.
Laughter: who would win in a fight: Fayetteville YL version. kidney stones. spoons. stories. late night fun.
Affection: hugs. love. handshakes. high fives.
Beauty: worship. sunsets. friends. arkansas.
Poignancy: mental snapshots. sunsets. rolling down hills. acting like children. sweet friends, sweet outdoors, sweet Lord.
Triumph in best effort: crazy car games on 540. spoons. Capernaum.
Satisfaction: new friends. old friends.
Meal time: sonic. 4-H lady-talk. perpendicular angle parking. the "cleanse".
Frivolity: adventuring home. locked roads. no roads. stopping to watch the sun set.
what i learned this weekend: life matters.
life is not meant to be taken in a hurry.
people matter. moments matters.
everything else can wait.
i thought about writing many insightful, inspiring, serious stuff, but it all boils down to one thing: God made this life beautiful. The worst thing we could do is miss that.
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