Two. [Dane and Tim.]

Two stories: Tim and Dane. I could tell stories about campers from Capernaum week for hours. But I won’t. not this time anyway. (hang in there, or at the very least, skip to the end. It gets good, I promise)

1.

Tim is quite possibly one of the most legit guys I’ve ever met. I’m still not positive what his diagnosis is, maybe CP, but I really don’t know. Tim was close to being classified non-verbal but he does make sounds and says some words. He is incredible. I first saw Tim before club one afternoon. (Capernaum camp does club backwards, and not at night). He has a scooter that he rides around on some of the time, but he’s also capable of walking. I was curious.

I met him, formally, the next day on the swing. He was in his scooter so I walked over to him to see if we needed to rig up our wheel-chair-pulley-system (a pain in the butt, but totally worth it every time). I asked Tim if he’d need us to rig up this system and he said no, he’d be able to climb the stairs, step into the swing and get himself out at the end of the ride. Mind blown #1.
Tim had a family with him, a mom, dad, sister and brother, but not his family. I’m still a little confused about all that. It was “policy” (more like preference) for us to put campers in chest harnesses, just to err on the side of caution so no one found out a little to late that they couldn’t support their weight when the swing was in motion (and to save us a heart attack). I walked over to Tim with a chest harness and told him that I was going to help him into it. He got a little mad. But nowhere near as mad as the “father” that was with him. “Tim bikes five miles a day, he’s stronger than I am! (this guy was not small) He doesn’t need that!” He was adamant to say the least. And we were nervous. Tim didn’t look like he’d be able to hold himself upright, he didn’t look like he’d be able to climb up the stairs. But he could. And he did. Over, and over, and over again. Tim rode the swing at least twice a day. And by the end of the week, he was cutting the cord. Tim has so much joy. He laughs, he smiles, he jokes with us: about chest harnesses and muscles and biking THIRTY-FIVE MILES IN ONE DAY (mind blown #2).

I can’t really put my finger on it, but Tim had something about him. There was something that stuck with me. His smile. His spirit. His laugh. Something was different about this kid. Tim’s life couldn’t have been easy up to this point. People (guilty) always judging him by appearance and assuming he couldn’t do things by himself…or at all. He could have easily gotten angry with me when I asked to put a chest harness on him, or if he could use the stairs, but he didn’t. He has a heart like I desire, a gentleness that I covet. And I feel so, so blessed to have met him.

2.

Dane was a cool kid. He is nonverbal and his buddy/leader is so, so devoted to him. I’m sure he told Dane the names of hundreds of people when they were at camp. Dane would always make a motion at people and that meant that he wanted to know their name, and Dane’s buddy would dutifully and joyfully repeat name after name after name to Dane. One afternoon at club, Dane and his buddy were picked to play a game. The buddy was supposed to stack as many Oreos on top of the campers’ forehead as they could before time ran out. Dane and his buddy lost…by a lot. But that’s because Dane kept asking his buddy for the Oreos so that he could eat them. (I would have wanted that, too, lets be honest, this kids got the right idea!) But even then, in the midst of eating Oreos to his hearts content, Dane didn’t smile. Throughout the week I would see Dane, but never smiling. I don’t know if I just missed it, or if it never happened.

Until one day when Dane and his buddy came to ride the swing. The swing can be exhausting. It’s hot. And you never stop sweating. EVER. And campers never put on their harnesses right the first time. And kids always crowd the deck. And you say the same thing every time a group gets on the swing. And 1 in 4 campers always get upset that they have to wear a chest harness. And it just gets tiring.
Dane came to ride the swing that afternoon and it was nothing special. He had the same expression as always, and I wasn’t expecting anything “life-changing.” But God has a funny way of turning the ordinary into extraordinary. Dane’s smile after they pulled the ripcord could go down in my book as the biggest I’ve ever seen. It’s crazy to think that something so simple to the rest of us could possibly be the one thing that makes a kid smile all week.

And it makes me wonder, how much do I take for granted? How much joy have I been given every day that I overlook? I want to be the kind of person that gets extraordinary joy from ordinary circumstances because I am so compelled by the love that my Savior has for me. And because I see in every thing that my God is blessing me beyond what I can begin to comprehend. I want to be Dane experiencing the swing for the first time. And I want to be Emily so, so happy that every 2 minutes I yell “Group Hug!!” and embrace whoever is closest to me, because the Lord has blessed me, and I don’t know how else to deal the joy that comes from that. I want to stop overlooking the little things. And I want to stop being so consumed with what “doesn’t go right.” I want to believe 100% of the time that God is blessing my mess. And when I tend to believe that there is no way to see grace, or beauty, or joy in something, I want to fight that. And I want to see it. I want to see joy. And I want my heart to smile so big that it goes down in record books. Because my God loves me. And He desires me to be joyful. And I long to fulfill His desires.

“Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,” -1 Peter 1:8

“Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy;” –Isaiah 60:5

“…with divine retribution he will come to save you. Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. The will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy.” –Isaiah 35:4-6

“he sees God’s face and shouts for joy.” –Job 33:26
oh that I would see God’s face constantly, and live a life that shouts for joy.

One.

I’ve decided to do “installments” of blogs. because those fifteen days at NorthBay were too big for one blog. And I’m using the word installments because it’s 10 at night, I’m on medicine and it seems like the dumbest, best word I can find right now.

Well, blog, here we go.

Needless to say, I’ve been putting this off. Which is weird because I love to blog about things that happen to me.

I guess I just didn’t have the words to say this time. How does one put in to words the experience I just (more or less) had at NorthBay? I find that I’m struggling with that a lot, actually. On our last night while we were anxiously awaiting an anti-climactic climb to the top of a water tower (anti-climactic because it didn’t happen) a friend asked “what has the Lord been teaching you since you’ve been here?” and I couldn’t really answer. Not because I hadn’t learned anything, but because I didn’t really know what I had learned. At least not in that moment. 

It’s hard to say in words how living in community like we did made my heart smile so big, and how that 15 days of community will keep me going.

It’s hard to articulate exactly how wiping up a kid’s urine on the swing humbled me beyond what I thought was possible (or necessary, for that matter) and how that will always stay with me. But the least I can do is try:

Hands and feet of Jesus. That was our “slogan” on summer staff. And I found that to be more burdensome at times than encouraging. It was great when things were going really well, when kids smiled and waved at you or gave you hugs towards the end of the week because they remembered you and thought you were the “bees knees.” 

And when those very same kids you coached through the giant swing stood up at say so on the last day, you could say with utmost confidence “I was the hands and feet of Jesus this week.” 

But when a Capernaum camper relieves himself on the swing and doesn’t even know that he’s done it and you are the lucky one that gets to wipe it up, telling yourself (and even others, in my case) that you’re the “hands and feet of Jesus” starts to become a pride issue. 

Hands and feet of Jesus no longer means being humble and serving Him by serving kids, it no longer means having a servants heart and loving kids so that they’ll, in turn, see Jesus. It doesn’t mean that you are considering it a joy to do this work. It becomes an issue of pride. It equates me with the Lord of all creation. I put myself on a pedestal because I cleaned up a campers pee. I was not humbled by it; I gave myself credit for it. I patted myself on the back for it and expected others to do the same. When in reality, (figurative reality that is) that’s what all service should be. Whether I’m doing something “beneath me” like cleaning up pee or doing something beautiful, like carrying someone confined to a wheel chair on my back in the pool or at crud wars. It’s all so that kids see HIS glory. And it doesn’t matter who does it, or how bad it smells, or that you get in trouble for not wearing gloves when you do it. The point is that you do it. And it’s a joy. It’s a joy to be chosen by the creator of the universe to be His ambassador. To represent Him here on this earth. 

Real talk: Jesus would’ve cleaned up pee and then some. Jesus would’ve traded pants with this kid, so he didn’t have to walk around in his shame and embarrassment the rest of the day. Jesus would have told everyone that He was the one to pee in the swing. The kid would’ve gotten off scoff free. The beautiful thing? That’s exactly what He’s done for each of us. He has taken my soiled rags and exchanged them with His fine linens. He has not only covered my shame and embarrassment but removed it from me and taken it as His own. And He doesn’t care that I cleaned up pee. He cares that I love Him. and He cares that I love Him enough to want others to love Him. and it doesn’t matter what that looks like, it just matters that it is.

What did North Bay teach me?

Community.

Humility.

Service.

Love.

Maybe it wasn’t everything I expected it to be, but I’m so glad it wasn’t. I’m happy that I have friends whose absence makes my heart ache. I’m happy that I can look back at those fifteen days and see beauty. Not boyfriends, or crushes, or enemies, or a complete transformation in my life. But I see best friends, and redemption, and blessed conversation, and service, and I see God chipping away at my inadequacies. Inadequacies that might not be as big as they used to be, but are still there, and are still a stumbling block to me every day. But more than that, I see a God that hasn’t given up on my sinful, unreliable, ungrateful, prideful self. And there is so much grace in that.

a hodgepodge

Today I was at walmart and ran into a dear friend of mine. he has a heart of gold and i cannot wait to see how his life effects the kingdom. we were talking about Young Life, and how it has changed both of our lives because of its simplicity. love God, love people. what changed my life two summers ago was the simple, raw fact that Jesus loves me, and I cannot escape that. i cannot change that. i can do nothing to make Him love me more, and I can do nothing to make Him love me less. He loved me into existence. He continues loving me into existence every day. He loves me enough to discipline me. He loves me enough to allow me free will.

He takes great pleasure in me. He desires me when I am less than undesirable. this love, as Beth Moore is teaching me, is agape. it is love that is not an emotion, or a feeling. it is a response. it flows from what is right and best.

Yesterday, i read 1 Corinthians 13. yes, the looooove chapter. something Beth Moore instructed before beginning to read this chapter was, "do not let the bug of familiarity bite you!"
and i am so thankful that she did that.
I know the "love" chapter. I know what it instructs and I know that every time someone teaches on this passage I feel convicted because I boast, or envy, or am prideful. but what i somehow overlooked, ironically, was the love.
verse 2: without love, i am nothing.
nothing. not inadequate or sub par, but nothing. if i am void of love, i am void of everything.
if you do not have a bible close at hand, here it is, the "love" chapter.
don't let the love here evade you, though. see how it permeates every verse. and see how this is not only instruction for us, but an example set by the Lord. do not make the mistakes i made for 19 years regarding these 13 verses.
absorb yourself in love. be overwhelmed by it. please.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, the will cease, as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 
So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13 (ESV)

did you catch that?
it's not that the things depicted in the first few verses are necessarily bad things, but when love is not the motive, what is left? selfishness. and that is not an attribute of having the Spirit inside.
but when those things are coupled with love, what extraordinary things will be done! faith that can move mountains, selfless sacrifice, knowledge, understanding, the list goes on!

I am completely overwhelmed when I think of the aspects of love listed in this chapter. and even more overwhelmed when i realize how bad I actually am at most of them. anyone who has ever ridden in the car with me knows that i am not an altogether patient person, nor am i too kind. i can be so envious, especially when i think that i deserve something more (arrogance/pride). too often i boast in myself, I think that I am good at something, or that I've done something worthwhile that people should know and give me gratitude for. that is not agape.
"it does not insist on its own way." i am irritable. i am rude...i think i've made my point.

these things seem so out of reach. but i know that they are attainable, or the instruction wouldn't have been given.
I want this. i want to be this kind of love. i want to have this love. and i want to give it away. i want to love others this way. i want to love my Lord this way.
forget being a "Proverbs 31" girl. I want to be a "1 Corinthians 13" girl.
I want to be drenched in this chapter. i want to overflow with this love. this agape.

it all comes back around to love. Drew and I were talking in the frozen foods section of walmart today about that. it is so simple. and we make it so complex. i think that we think it's too simple. surely there has to be more to all of it than just love? what more could we want, though? rules? stipulations? limits? no thank you. "just love", is more than enough for me. and sure, there are other things but it all comes back to love.
i think that growing up in the church caused me, in part, to believe that I needed to do things to be loved. and that God was mean, and strict and hard to follow because He expected so much of me; things i'd never be able to live up to or according to. thank Heavens i was so wrong. all He desires is my love in return for His everything.
all i have to do is love Him. and it's not difficult to love a God that loves me best and loves me first.
did you catch that part in verse 8? Love never ends. Agape never ends. His love for me never ends.

what a joy it is to serve a God that makes loving Him so enjoyable.
this time next week, i'll be in NorthEast, Maryland. with ten of my newest best friends. a servant hearted Work Crew, an amazing assigned team, and tons of campers to love on through service.
seven days, three tests, two firework stand shifts, moving out of a house and two plane rides stand between me and the best fifteen days of my summer.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." -Colossians 3:12-14

I would also be a "Colossians 3:12-14" girl. but it doesn't have quite the same ring to it. 

Summer could be Funner

Summer could be funner if i weren't taking 6 hours of classes.
summer could be funner if i were at home, with my friends.
summer could be funner if i didn't have to worry about doing a million and one things and pleasing a million and one people.
summer could be funner if i were working at falls creek with my two best friends Heather and Amy.
summer could be funner if i weren't so awkward.
summer could be funner if i weren't a homebody.

summer could not be funner if i were doing anything but what i am.

I am diving into the word and learning about the gifts of life with Christ.
i am learning more about myself than I ever could have if i were at home, or at falls creek, or anywhere but fayetteville, arkansas.
i am taking classes that might suck, but will get me where i need to go.
i am going with confidence. His confidence.

i am adding things daily to my list of things that make my heart smile.
i am spending a lot of time alone. i am spending even more time with people that are growing to mean so much to me.
i am beyond thankful for Jonathan and his dedication to Capernaum.
i am so so excited and anxiously awaiting the fall so that we can put into motion this dream for Capernaum we've been dreaming since March.

i am sad. i am scared at times.
i am lonely.
but i am full. i am so full of the Spirit.
i am not always happy. but i have joy. an inexpressible joy that only has one explanation. the Lord.
I want to go. i want to go so many places and do so many things.
i am being taught to be where i am. and to find joy in contentment with my current "life stage" (i hate that phrase)

i am growing up. and growing up sucks.
i am missing my best friends. and the fellowship that they bring. and i miss always having girls to talk to about things that are plaguing my life. and i miss those girls that are genuinely interested and ask me first because they know me. and they know when i'm not "all right."
i am finding that He does that for me. i am learning that He has taken that away so i go to Him first. i am learning that ultimately, He is all i need. He is more than enough.
When i don't think I can make it to the weekend so i can go home, He gets me out of bed and puts a smile on my face and the sun in the sky. when i don't have plans for the weekend and can't imagine spending it alone, He reminds me that I am never alone. and He laughs at me when the Notebook make me cry again. He doesn't pity my friday and saturday nights spent alone, and now, i don't either.
when i fail a finite test and feel like i'll never make it to graduation in 3 years, He reminds me that one test holds no eternal importance. He reminds me of my importance to Him. He reminds me that He takes great pleasure in me. and that, in turn, makes me take great pleasure in Him.

He is more than enough.
When i ask for an inch, He gives me a mile.
when we open a guitar case at the farmer's market, He fills it with 138 dollars and some change to take younglives girls to camp. to meet Him. because it pleases Him.


when I ask for more of Him, He tells me that right now, in this moment, teary eyed and broken, I have as much of Him as I did yesterday. and as much as I will have tomorrow. He tells me He has never taken any of Himself away from me. and He never will. I have all of Him. in every moment. forever.
and I am filled with joy.
so much joy.

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed." -Isaiah 54:10


my world may fall apart, but His steadfast love remains.
always.

Blog About: Finals, Goodbyes and Lamas.

this week is awful.

and wonderful.

awfully wonderful and wonderfully awful. 

all i've done this week is study for my finals (over tomorrow at 10!) and say goodbye to my best friend. 

it's funny how you never realize how much someone is a part of your life until they aren't anymore. 

when i left for college i remember saying to my two best friends "i don't wanna make new friends" then i bawled on the whole drive home. 

the Lord has provided me with some of the best friends I could ever ask for. some of them have just showed up in my life in the last month or so and i am way thankful for them. We experience life together and hurt together and laugh together and are inappropriate together. we dream together (mostly about being married...) and we talk about boys together. and we have some of the most meaningful conversations i've ever had together. it's hard to believe that i've only known these girls (and in some cases, boys) no more than 8 months. not even the gestation period of a baby! (did i just say that?) 

we pray together on old main lawn for the Dalai lama while we eat free chipotle burritos. we hammock twice a day everyday. summer will be so hard apart from them.

speaking of the Dalai Lama...

he was on campus today. Rumor has it they're dispersing the sand painting that the monks did this week across Fayetteville. I've been told (but have no proof) that when the monks make these sand-paintings they mutter "mantras" under their breath, these "mantras," i've been told, conjure spirits. not good ones. I have to doubt that the Dalai Lama has the best intentions in the world but he is not of Christ, and i take what he says with a grain of sand (see what i did there? sorry, i'm tired...it's finals week.) peace is wonderful. I am all for peace. but I am for peace under and because of Christ. 

the Tibetan monks faith inspires me. I am so impressed by it. To have that much devotion makes me examine my own lifestyle. would i give up my "regular" world, give up my "regular" clothes, and my "regular" friends? i don't know. but i am thankful that I am called by God to be a light in the darkness, and to live among this world until He calls me home. I am thankful that this is not a decision i have to make. 

speaking of goodbyes...

I wasn't speaking of goodbyes? well, i am now.

they SUCK. why do i have to be away from people that make my heart so happy? 

at least this is not a final goodbye. not a goodbye of "see ya if i see ya." i know that these people are not leaving me forever. we will be reunited soon. if not on a summer road trip, or next fall, we will be reunited in our heavenly home. 

i am so overwhelmed with thankfulness that this world is not where it ends. 

this is not my home.

"someday I will wake

in a body that won't break 

on a ground that doesn't shake

not here.

someday I will live

in a house that's built by hands that hold the world."

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." -Revelation 21:4

hopelessness

hoplessness is: studying at Taco Bell.
just kidding.
now it's time for a real blog:

One year. A lot can happen in a year. 

I feel like one year ago I was a completely different person. 

365 days. 525,600 minutes. how do you measure the life of a man? 

Kevin Santos. Sophomore. Stillwater High School. giver of excellent high fives. always smiling like he had just done something mischievous. 

one year ago. 

gone. 

something i'll never understand is suicide. and i guess that's a good thing, but it's frustrating. 

Things i'll never forget:

the end of my senior year. my last musical ever. my friends and i were ripping seams and talking about how excited we were for the summer, we were all going to work crew, i was going to college and we were anxiously awaiting our futures to unfold before us. our lives were just beginning.  Shelbye walked into the room with tears streaming down her face. I thought she was just emotional because we were almost done with high school. not the case. that was how i found out that Kevin had killed himself. 

he had no more future. he wouldn't graduate high school. he wouldn't go to college. he wouldn't even get to experience the summer.

I had never really experienced death before. not of someone young. not of someone i knew. 

i was mad. i didn't believe it. i was heartbroken. how could God let someone become so hopeless? someone He was supposed to love? 

I still don't get it. 

things i'll never forget:

that afternoon and into the evening we all crowded together in the choir room. no one knew what to do, or say. we had to stay together, that's all we knew how to do. we cried. we were silent. we prayed. we yelled. we cried some more. i remember a man from a church talking to all of us, saying things like "what you're feeling is normal." and "it's okay to feel this way." and "i understand what you're going through." i'm sorry, Mr. church man, but you have no idea what i'm going through. no amount of education could possibly instruct you as to how to "deal with my feelings." i don't even know what my feeling are right now, i just want someone to hug me. no class in seminary can explain to you how being affected by suicide feels.  

the worst one, though, was being told that what i was feeling was "normal." 

there is nothing normal about that situation. nothing normal about a sixteen year old boy deciding that his life is no longer worth living. there is nothing normal about a giant pit opening up inside my stomach. nothing normal about not being able to eat for three days. nothing normal about crying all the time. nothing normal about a sixteen year old boy that smiled all the time feeling beyond hope. 

beyond hope. i cannot fathom. the Lord is my hope. 

I am alive today because the Lord has willed and I have hope in the fact that this day is not a mistake. i am meant to be here. if i am suffering, i am meant to suffer. He will deliver me. 

if only Kevin could have known joy in sorrow. 

things i'll never forget: 

May 3, 2010: spending all day crying. all chorale period smiling and remembering Kevin. singing like we never had before. healing our souls. 

things i'll never forget: 

May 5, 2010. the hardest thing i've ever had to do: singing at Kevin's funeral. i've never felt so alone, and i've never felt like everyone in the room knew exactly what i was feeling. holding hands and stumbling through our song, dedicated to Kevin. everything we did the rest of the year was for kevin.

things i'll never forget:

"The LORD is my refuge and strength, therefore I will not be afraid. Though the mountains give way, and fall into the sea, He will come and rescue me." 

"Blessed be the LORD, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city. I had said in my alarm, "I am cut off from your sight." But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help." -psalm 31:21-22

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24

this isn't about being hopeless. it's about how great hope in the Lord is. 

one year. 525,600 minutes. 

"if life is measured in love, i'm confident Kevin has life longer than all of us."

you are so missed, kev. 

THANKFUL

*I'm about to say "thankful" about a hundred times. get ready*

Praise the LORD. He has provided for me in the greatest way.
in my last post i mentioned how i was begging Lord for a partner in Capernaum. It was literally the only thing that I asked for for weeks. I had so many doubts that Capernaum was even something I needed to be doing anymore. I felt absolutely alone. The enemy saw my insecurity and fed on it like crazy.
I knew, in the depths of my soul, that God would provide for me in His perfect timing, but I was so impatient. I wanted someone right then and I wanted that person to be perfect.
God sent me Jonathan and finding out that his heart was for Capernaum at placement tonight was the greatest surprise of my life to date. I don't know him. I met him for the first time tonight. we are going to be doing life together and ministering to these precious kids that are so dear to my heart together. we don't know what this ministry is going to look like, but we're doing it. and i am so, so excited.
THANK YOU. my whole being is screaming: THANK YOU, LORD.
I have never felt so thankful before in my life. My whole heart is so so happy.
I am so dumb. Fo real.
As happy as I was tonight, I also felt like an idiot. God slapped me upside the head and said to me, "Calm it down, Kaitlyn. I've got this."
He's got this.
I don't have to worry.
He is faithful. He is faithful. He is so faithful. He is good to me beyond what I deserve. His timing is perfect. I am so thankful.
Capernaum is not my ministry. It is the Lord's. and He will do with it as He sees fit.
He wants me, but He does not need me. He wants Capernaum to happen, though. And I am so thankful that He has chosen me. and that He has not allowed me to be alone. He has blessed me. He has given me peace. He has given me laughter. He has given me copious amounts of tears of joy. He has given me SO much joy. and I am so thankful.
my God is so big. and my God is so big. and my God is on my side.

Tonight will easily be one of the greatest nights of my life. Seeing my best friends answer the Lord's call to give their love away to high school/middle school/pregnant teens and teen moms is so exciting. I am thankful to have such dedicated, faithful, Godly friends. Jonathan and I were the last leaders to be placed and finally having everything click in my head was a good feeling. I'm sure he thinks i'm a blubbering fool that can't control her emotions (partly true) but it feels so good to have an answered prayer, tangible, in front of you, wrapped in your arms for an awkward "first-hug-i-met-you-an-hour-ago-and-we've-only-said-five-words-to-each-other" thing.
a tangible answered prayer. a "go ahead, I am with you" from God concerning Capernaum.
that's what i've been looking for all along.
and i am so......you guessed it, thankful. God is on my side. the battle is already won. He is good and He is for me.

"Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know, and a nation that did not know you shall run to you, because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel, for he has glorified you." -Isaiah 55:5

"Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -psalm 16:8-10

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" -psalm 30:11-12


If you're in the mood to cry: http://vimeo.com/3559979