Eternal Importance

If I'm being completely honest, I'm not very good at prioritizing.
If I'm being completely honest, I'm not very good at distinguishing between what needs to happen and what I would like to happen.
If I'm being completely honest, by the worlds standards I have a lot of things backwards and not right and out of whack.

but ya know what? I don't really care.
I give a lot of my time to things that matter to me. and I don't say that to be prideful, or to make y'all think "oh, she's such a servant" because this is not about me. but i say this because a lot of people may think that I give too much. but i have too much, so why not give it away? Jesus gave His life and if i want to be anything like the One who loves best and serves best and is accepting and giving and merciful beyond comprehension, then I have to give more.

Jesus' own words: "Everyone to whom much was given, of him much more will be required..." 
I have been so blessed. People have been willing to pour into my life and give themselves to me. Why should I not do the same thing?

Finals were this week. If you didn't know that, you're probably 1. old, 2. dumb, 3. living under a rock.
I haven't gotten enough sleep. I have studied entirely too much. My mind is exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. and watch TV. and never think about school work again.
I didn't too so hot in my classes this semester. I really, really will do better next semester. and all the ones after that. But looking back, I don't really regret anything.
I needed to learn that life isn't easy. and just because things don't come easily to me, doesn't mean that I should give up. I gave up this semester. It sucks. I shouldn't have quit trying, but I did. that, I regret.

I don't, however, regret staying up so late talking about life with my roommate that I couldn't pull myself out of bed in the morning. I don't regret not going to a review session because I was coming home from the most awkward/awful/adventurous weekend in College Station with my three best friends.
Because in the long run, my grades don't matter.
years from now, I'll hardly remember the stress and anxiety I'm feeling right now.
I won't recall how I cried in the shower thinking about talking to my parents about how I probably won't graduate on time, and how I didn't try my hardest this semester and how disappointed I am in myself.
I won't remember everything I've learned about accounting, and psychology, and business law, and microeconomics.

I will remember that sometimes awkward can't be avoided.
I will remember how rewarding Capernaum is.
I will remember how much fun it was living with my best friend.
I will remember baking cookies for my neighbors and then running away.
I will remember having the very first inclusion club, and taking our first kids to Polar Bear weekend.
I'll never forget the ways the Lord has provided  for me.
I'll remember romance novels and smooth jazz. (channel 935)
I'll remember feeling passionately for things.
and I'll remember that people can be disappointing. but the Lords great love never fails.
I'll remember playing my first gig at Mama Carmens.
I'll remember doing ridiculous things in order to go to hockey games.
and I'll remember checking the mailbox everyday (sometimes twice a day) for something that would never end up coming.
I will remember learning the hard way over and over and over again that God is enough. He is sufficient.

who cares if life gets in the way of school?
Sometimes, I think life is more educational anyway.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." Colossians 3:1-2 

I want to make sure you hear me right: school is important. I am not proud of what happened this semester. but i don't regret a single thing. I am not making excuses. I am not trying to justify my failures. I just want to let out a little sliver of my soul and say that my priorities may be backwards to a lot of people. but all i want to do is love Jesus and love people. everything else is secondary.