I am here to say one thing. (that's probably a lie).
and that one thing is this: The Chop is a magical place.
The Lord has laid it on my heart to start Capernum Young Life in Fayetteville.
I am terrified. but more than that, I am so excited to be used in His plan this way. I have been praying and praying for direction. I was so tired of feeling like I was wandering aimlessly through my life. The funny thing about God is that He seems to have a backwards way of answering prayer. I practically beg for direction in my life and He sends me capernum. Not exactly what I was looking for, God. But I am so at peace with everything else in my life that I know that this is definitely what I have been needing. Making my mind so open and attuned to listening to what God could possibly whisper in my ears about how to proceed with my life made me receptive to hear that what He wants from me cannot be neatly laid out in a step by step four year plan. but what He asks of me, and of everyone else, is to listen to what He says when he says it. and to obey.
Do I have any better idea about what to major in or when the Lord will finally allow me to have a boyfriend? No. Not at all. but that's not what concerns me anymore, surely a blessing straight from His hands.
Am I nervous? yes.
Do I have more doubts than I can count? yes.
Am I scared to death of being a failure? 100 times over.
I find hope in the reality that I am nothing in this situation. God doesn't need me. and it's humbling to see that. He doesn't need me but He chose me. I am so thankful. and I am so ready to see what He does to further His kingdom in this ministry.
of all the people that could've been chosen to start this He chose me. I don't say that to be arrogant or prideful in myself by any means. but to show that, in the days/months/years to come, God is powerful. Surely there was someone more qualified or experienced than me. someone who knows what to do, or has had experience with kids like these before. These thoughts trouble my mind with doubt but also give me inexplicable joy and hope. I won't be doing any of this. it will be the Lord working. not me.
"...For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7b
"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." -Philippians 2:13
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." - Psalm 139:13-16
