*I'm about to say "thankful" about a hundred times. get ready*
Praise the LORD. He has provided for me in the greatest way.
in my last post i mentioned how i was begging Lord for a partner in Capernaum. It was literally the only thing that I asked for for weeks. I had so many doubts that Capernaum was even something I needed to be doing anymore. I felt absolutely alone. The enemy saw my insecurity and fed on it like crazy.
I knew, in the depths of my soul, that God would provide for me in His perfect timing, but I was so impatient. I wanted someone right then and I wanted that person to be perfect.
God sent me Jonathan and finding out that his heart was for Capernaum at placement tonight was the greatest surprise of my life to date. I don't know him. I met him for the first time tonight. we are going to be doing life together and ministering to these precious kids that are so dear to my heart together. we don't know what this ministry is going to look like, but we're doing it. and i am so, so excited.
THANK YOU. my whole being is screaming: THANK YOU, LORD.
I have never felt so thankful before in my life. My whole heart is so so happy.
I am so dumb. Fo real.
As happy as I was tonight, I also felt like an idiot. God slapped me upside the head and said to me, "Calm it down, Kaitlyn. I've got this."
He's got this.
I don't have to worry.
He is faithful. He is faithful. He is so faithful. He is good to me beyond what I deserve. His timing is perfect. I am so thankful.
Capernaum is not my ministry. It is the Lord's. and He will do with it as He sees fit.
He wants me, but He does not need me. He wants Capernaum to happen, though. And I am so thankful that He has chosen me. and that He has not allowed me to be alone. He has blessed me. He has given me peace. He has given me laughter. He has given me copious amounts of tears of joy. He has given me SO much joy. and I am so thankful.
my God is so big. and my God is so big. and my God is on my side.
Tonight will easily be one of the greatest nights of my life. Seeing my best friends answer the Lord's call to give their love away to high school/middle school/pregnant teens and teen moms is so exciting. I am thankful to have such dedicated, faithful, Godly friends. Jonathan and I were the last leaders to be placed and finally having everything click in my head was a good feeling. I'm sure he thinks i'm a blubbering fool that can't control her emotions (partly true) but it feels so good to have an answered prayer, tangible, in front of you, wrapped in your arms for an awkward "first-hug-i-met-you-an-hour-ago-and-we've-only-said-five-words-to-each-other" thing.
a tangible answered prayer. a "go ahead, I am with you" from God concerning Capernaum.
that's what i've been looking for all along.
and i am so......you guessed it, thankful. God is on my side. the battle is already won. He is good and He is for me.
"Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know, and a nation that did not know you shall run to you, because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel, for he has glorified you." -Isaiah 55:5
"Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -psalm 16:8-10
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" -psalm 30:11-12
If you're in the mood to cry: http://vimeo.com/3559979
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Ladies and gentlemen, it is officially official. I am starting Capernaum in Fayetteville next year!
How do I know that this is exactly what the Lord wants me to do? because I cannot imagine doing anything else. because, when I think about it, my heart smiles (and I usually tear up.) and because the enemy has been so present trying to get me to chicken out. But my God is bigger. He is bigger than nightmares, and doubts, and unsupportive people in my life. This is what He wants and He will make it happen.
Talking to Robyn yesterday, there is only one thing standing in the way and that is that I need a partner. Right now, I'm the only one wanting to be dedicated to this ministry, and that's just not how YL works.
I am praying unceasingly that the Lord will provide someone who's heart is in Capernaum. I ask that you would be praying, too.
I know that God is faithful and I know that He will not leave me to fend for myself. But His timing is not mine, and I am not altogether a patient person.
God is good. and He is good to those who love Him.
"On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cusion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? have you still no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" -Mark 4:35-41
I feel like the disciples at this point. Jesus made a promise. He said to them 'Let's go to the other side.' They were going to make it. But the disciples doubted and didn't have faith that the Lord was looking out for their good.
Why am I so afraid? Have I still no faith? Even the wind and the sea obey Him. who am I to question His authority? or worry that He might not get things done?
"I had said in my alarm, "I am cut off from your sight." But you heard hte voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help." -psalm 31:22
"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." -psalm 143:8
"Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame." -psalm 25:3
How do I know that this is exactly what the Lord wants me to do? because I cannot imagine doing anything else. because, when I think about it, my heart smiles (and I usually tear up.) and because the enemy has been so present trying to get me to chicken out. But my God is bigger. He is bigger than nightmares, and doubts, and unsupportive people in my life. This is what He wants and He will make it happen.
Talking to Robyn yesterday, there is only one thing standing in the way and that is that I need a partner. Right now, I'm the only one wanting to be dedicated to this ministry, and that's just not how YL works.
I am praying unceasingly that the Lord will provide someone who's heart is in Capernaum. I ask that you would be praying, too.
I know that God is faithful and I know that He will not leave me to fend for myself. But His timing is not mine, and I am not altogether a patient person.
God is good. and He is good to those who love Him.
"On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cusion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? have you still no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" -Mark 4:35-41
I feel like the disciples at this point. Jesus made a promise. He said to them 'Let's go to the other side.' They were going to make it. But the disciples doubted and didn't have faith that the Lord was looking out for their good.
Why am I so afraid? Have I still no faith? Even the wind and the sea obey Him. who am I to question His authority? or worry that He might not get things done?
"I had said in my alarm, "I am cut off from your sight." But you heard hte voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help." -psalm 31:22
"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." -psalm 143:8
"Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame." -psalm 25:3
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