Summer could be Funner

Summer could be funner if i weren't taking 6 hours of classes.
summer could be funner if i were at home, with my friends.
summer could be funner if i didn't have to worry about doing a million and one things and pleasing a million and one people.
summer could be funner if i were working at falls creek with my two best friends Heather and Amy.
summer could be funner if i weren't so awkward.
summer could be funner if i weren't a homebody.

summer could not be funner if i were doing anything but what i am.

I am diving into the word and learning about the gifts of life with Christ.
i am learning more about myself than I ever could have if i were at home, or at falls creek, or anywhere but fayetteville, arkansas.
i am taking classes that might suck, but will get me where i need to go.
i am going with confidence. His confidence.

i am adding things daily to my list of things that make my heart smile.
i am spending a lot of time alone. i am spending even more time with people that are growing to mean so much to me.
i am beyond thankful for Jonathan and his dedication to Capernaum.
i am so so excited and anxiously awaiting the fall so that we can put into motion this dream for Capernaum we've been dreaming since March.

i am sad. i am scared at times.
i am lonely.
but i am full. i am so full of the Spirit.
i am not always happy. but i have joy. an inexpressible joy that only has one explanation. the Lord.
I want to go. i want to go so many places and do so many things.
i am being taught to be where i am. and to find joy in contentment with my current "life stage" (i hate that phrase)

i am growing up. and growing up sucks.
i am missing my best friends. and the fellowship that they bring. and i miss always having girls to talk to about things that are plaguing my life. and i miss those girls that are genuinely interested and ask me first because they know me. and they know when i'm not "all right."
i am finding that He does that for me. i am learning that He has taken that away so i go to Him first. i am learning that ultimately, He is all i need. He is more than enough.
When i don't think I can make it to the weekend so i can go home, He gets me out of bed and puts a smile on my face and the sun in the sky. when i don't have plans for the weekend and can't imagine spending it alone, He reminds me that I am never alone. and He laughs at me when the Notebook make me cry again. He doesn't pity my friday and saturday nights spent alone, and now, i don't either.
when i fail a finite test and feel like i'll never make it to graduation in 3 years, He reminds me that one test holds no eternal importance. He reminds me of my importance to Him. He reminds me that He takes great pleasure in me. and that, in turn, makes me take great pleasure in Him.

He is more than enough.
When i ask for an inch, He gives me a mile.
when we open a guitar case at the farmer's market, He fills it with 138 dollars and some change to take younglives girls to camp. to meet Him. because it pleases Him.


when I ask for more of Him, He tells me that right now, in this moment, teary eyed and broken, I have as much of Him as I did yesterday. and as much as I will have tomorrow. He tells me He has never taken any of Himself away from me. and He never will. I have all of Him. in every moment. forever.
and I am filled with joy.
so much joy.

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed." -Isaiah 54:10


my world may fall apart, but His steadfast love remains.
always.